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06/21/2004: "How NOT to extend sympathy on a listserv."

Hi all,

I belong to an on-line group called 'Jewel Collect' and it is focused on costume jewelry. Last week we had a member's relative die and a person posted this message to the group:

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-jewelcollect@tias.com [mailto:owner-jewelcollect@tias.com] On Behalf Of TINA RATNER
Sent: Sunday, June 20, 2004 7:16 PM
To: jewelcollect@tias.com
Subject: JC: Sympathies to Molly

Dearest Molly:

I just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers are with you in regards to the loss of your dear sister.

We, at Jewel Collect, all love and care for you. If there's anything I can do for you, please e-mail me privately and I will respond.

Molly, you are a beautiful person and all of us at Jewel Collect think the world of you. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you Molly.

Hugs,

Tina Ratner

Givenchy@comcast.net

I responded to the group with my opinion on this message with this:

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-jewelcollect@tias.com [mailto:owner-jewelcollect@tias.com] On Behalf Of Barbara J. Sallen
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 8:17 AM
To: jewelcollect@tias.com
Subject: JC: RE: Sympathies to Molly

Hi Tina and all,

I’m quite taken aback that someone I don’t even know (Tina) has taken it upon herself to speak for the entire JC group. Could we please just speak for ourselves and not assume we speak for everyone on this list?

Jewel on everyone.

Molly, ya know ‘I’ love ya.

Barb

And one of the people on the list gave me their personal opinion of my above words with this:

-----Original Message-----
From: Joan Wilkins [mailto:glittercity@abac.com]
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 9:03 AM
To: Barbara J. Sallen
Subject: Re: RE: Sympathies to Molly

A pretty benign statement only done in kindness. It's not like she said "we at jewelcollect are wearing the swastika for (fill in name here).

Get a grip lady.

PS you have been put on my 'killfile' list so any retort will go into the trash before I even see it.

Keep your talk and snide remarks off the general list

My reply to her is below:

-----Original Message-----
From: Barbara J. Sallen [mailto:admin@clerestorial.com]
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 9:21 AM
To: 'Joan Wilkins'
Subject: RE: RE: Sympathies to Molly

Go ahead and be proud of your words and post them to the JC list. I’d like to see them made public. ‘I’ can handle it, can you?

Barb